Self portrait part 4

Painting is how I give my observations of my thoughts and surroundings a physical presence, which makes me feel like I have a more solid physical presence as a person.

Depressed

Food, air, water, clothes, work, school.

They all scratch the surface of me.

I cannot get beneath my skin,

I can’t feel the passion I know is inside of me.

As I walk around, as I sit around,

as I lay around I am like frozen ground,

with a thin layer of soft soil on the top,

to imitate the richness of my thawed self.

Other people should be confused,

because their senses lie to them about who I am,

other people who have known me long

look at me and see me grin, or pout,

she is herself, they might think.

They can hear me shout, or sigh.

I AM NOT HERE.  

A company, global, time monitors. 

Time is a penetrable expanse in the hands of the company that monitors events, sending 'agents' into periods of time and space, assigning them the mission of fixing terrible historical trauma by circumventing the factors that caused the horrors (i.e. genocide, poverty, decline, and so forth.).

 Sometimes agents fail to positively affect the space-time they are sent to, sometimes this happens again and again. 

Sometimes agents lost their minds and are permanently taken out of the purging process.

A woman is in a hospital, she is losing her mind. 

She sees all of time and human history behind her. 

She sees people having choices snatched from them, 

the darkest, wickedest humans being trapped

 in a helpless state of doing evil over and over again 

until people figure out a way to wiggle

 the choice out of their hand and all the people 

who stood against the evil become void and superfluous

 because after all the evil can be edited out by a tireless returning of time.

 Signifier vs. signified.

 I was full of indignation towards the broken concept of the signifier being pitted against the signified. 

Signified was always there, I thought, never arguable, whereas the signifier is puff, is air, is the movement a human mammal makes with their mouth and the air that comes out to form words. 

The signified is with and without us.